We all find ourselves in situations where we are avoiding addressing issues with others. The walking on eggshells experience is a prickly one. Having the elephant in the room is suffocating. Knowing that the Emperor really has no clothes leaves us bare and cold. It is a very common human drama to play. Not speaking about what is happening can sometimes be more depleting than actually doing it. How do we end up tiptoeing through the tulips? I’ve come up with a few possibilities.
There are souls who have experienced sad and disappointing outcomes from addressing conflicts. As a result, they feel disempowered in the gut. Their heart is filled with sadness. The throat shuts and words do not form. To relive another unpleasant altercation or backfire – anything that did not turn out as hoped – might be avoided at all costs.
Another scenario involves the soul who was instructed to keep quiet. To “put up and shut up” was the standard. Many then grow up tolerating very unpleasant situations without ever expressing their dissatisfaction, opinion, or mere observation. The internal silence experienced while mucking through negativity is very painful. Some consciously or unconsciously stifle their pain. You might know adults who stand idly while they are verbally, emotionally, sexually, or physically abused. Early training is the culprit.
Some avoid broaching an uncomfortable subject due to fear of retribution or loss of a friendship, job, reputation, or social status. Weighing risks and benefits is always important in these situations. Prior losses and the severity of them often contribute to how avoidant one might be going forward.
The perfectionist feels they must either say it “just right” or not say it at all. To err on the side of no communication is the safe bet for them. Worrying about one’s own performance with respect to wordsmithing and delivery, and worrying about the other’s best and worst possible reactions stymies and silences them into inaction.
If one was trained to articulate themselves a certain way and they do not wish to disappoint their “trainer,” avoidance is a peaceful option for them. “We’re all good,” is the excuse that protects one’s ego from possible judgement and criticism from others. Some perfectionists were trained in this manner.
Is pain something you avoid feeling? If so, you might be conflict avoidant as a result. Why walk into the fire to feel a burn? Many cannot fathom living through a difficult conversation for fear they might cry endlessly, go into a depression, stop working or eating, have panic or anxiety, or lose their mind. It is very important to know oneself for, if any of these are real possibilities, therapy might be indicated. Strengthening one’s ego to be able to withstand conflict is extremely important.
Souls might be learning by opposites in this lifetime. For example, meddling, outspoken, and tactless in other incarnations might make for meek, repressing, denying, rationalizing, and hiding in this lifetime.
“Why do you bring this up here, Joanie?” you ask. Well, I find myself avoiding addressing three friends who I suspect are closet drinkers with an abuse and/or dependence problem. I am personally working through the possibility of learning from them respectively that “all is well and there is no issue to speak of.” I, like you, live through dramas that occur each day in Earth School. Writing about this is highly therapeutic. (I highly suggest you put pen to paper, too.)
What to do? As the one fearful of pain must weigh risks and benefits, I believe all who find themselves tiptoeing can determine whether addressing what you see, feel, and know needs to be spoken about. Will the person hear you? Is there a better time and place to talk? What is your goal, or intention for broaching the subject? Is this your business or is this the other’s personal journey to work through (are you meddling)? Have you addressed this before and it might be time to stop altogether? Can you tolerate any outcome? If not, what do you need to do first in order to be able? Do you need to rehearse? Will you do this alone? Will you want to be in a public setting?
To speak up versus avoid is one of the many soul growth opportunities we have here. We actually enjoy conflict! It offers us lessons. The solar plexus (energy power center), heart chakra (center of love of self and other), and throat chakra (center of expression of Truth) all play roles in how we navigate these dramas. The root chakra (tribal loyalty and basic needs) and the sacral chakra (creativity, birth of ideas, and sexuality) can be so tamped down with unresolved issues that the solar plexus, heart, and throat don’t have a chance to get in gear. Issues around family, alliances, abuse, and birthing your Self must be faced and healed. Moving up the chakras is the way we get to that throat that waits to open.
All is well. Avoidance is.
Do your work, y’all. It’s a spiritual playground. Dig in and ask yourself why you are tiptoeing through the tulips. No judgement or report card, OK? Just look at where you are now and consider all possibilities. We all wish to feel better. Please take steps in that direction.